The Pursuit of... Wait, didn't I order a cheeseburger?

There are so many quotes out there about happiness being a journey not a destination, about seizing the moment, about living each moment... And I buy into them most of the time.

I am a generally happy person who will look for the good in everything, search for the silver lining and have often been heard saying "everything happens for a reason." So when I am feeling a bit on the bluer side of life's RBG scale, everyone notices. Everyone asks me whats wrong. Everyone does the "What's up with you" face and accompanying head tilt, like they are confused puppies. And this leads me to a question that seems to be underlying a lot of things in my life right now...

Is it better to be an emotional person who gets hurt because they invest, or invest less with the possibility of getting a smaller return?

Do I want to trust less people so I get hurt less? But if I let less people into my life, how do I know that there are amazing people out there who could be playing huge amazing roles in my life that aren't because I have kept them on the outside of my moat? But would I really be at a total loss for having saved myself the grief of the non return of my enthusiasm?

My slightly odd example is that of teaching a group fitness class. Odd, I know, but write what you know, and I know the Y. So if I show up, send out my voice and my humour and my love of health and wellness and my experience and knowledge, if people just leave at the end of the class without a care, am I losing energy from my personal bank? I am getting paid, what makes me think I can expect an energy return as well? Do I reign it in and do what is necessary, not go above and beyond? Can I even do that being who I am? There are times when I get frustrated and say "Fine, I'll do the bare bones since no one notices when I do more." But really, that lasts about as long as a bowl of tuna juice in front of my cat George. I don't have it in me. I don't have the ability to not get emotionally attached. Trust me, I've tried, and failed.

It is a curse and a blessing... whereas I see people who don't get emotionally attached as lucky for never crying their eyes out on the bathroom floor, maybe I can feel sorry for them for missing out on the amazingly deep and real and irreplacable feelings that I feel on a regular basis. Without gut wrenching sadness, there can be no soul filling laughter.. or something like that.

Maybe they have been hurt so many times that they have moved from someone like me into a state where there is nothing left to be hurt... I hope that is not the case... but I will continue trudging. And skipping. And crawling. And caring for people who don't care back, and loving people who don't love back, and giving to people who don't give back. Because everyone is just doing the best they can with what they have, myself included.

So if you see me crying, it is just as likely that I just saw a touching commercial for the Olympics as it is that there is something horrible going on in my life. And I am done apologizing for it.

Peanut Butter cups and Plastic Addictions

I love chocolate.
And documentaries.

Not necessarily in that order.

So last night I attempted to make some peanut butter cups from Alicia Silverstones "Kind Diet." It was a 50/50 split between delightful success and horrible, horrible failure. They became frozen treats... this was in order to keep them from being a liquid at even fridge temperature. Lessons learned = maple sugar cannot be substituted by maple syrup, read the fricking recipe, don't double recipes the first time you make things, boys will eat just about anything after working out for a couple hours (and rave about how good it is) and that I am surrounded by amazing people who love me just they way I am.
:
The last lesson was learned as a general feeling at the end of my night at work after:
I had been complimented on how all my hard work at the gym was paying off because I looked super strong and smaller,
I had been offered a 'vegan for athletes' cookbook from a friend taking nursing who was impressed that I have started down this road,
I had a bunch of people from my aquafit class tell me they were so happy I was teaching,
I had a member at the Y request me personally for a trainer,
and in general as a byproduct of smiling at everyone... everyone smiles at you ;)

And then this morning I watched 'Addicted to Plastic,' a documentary about how much we use, where it all goes, and people who are working to come up with better solutions than landfills.
Great film, makes you really think about the little things we can do to help, and the big things that people are doing to make this world a better place to live in.

On the books for today?
-find a use for the leftover carob chips in my fridge
-swim a masters workout, then take a spin class, then challenge the treadmill, all with Stacy the amazing
-'work' (aka play in the pool with my adventure club kids)
-Chiropractor at 6 (Lighthousechiro.com)
-watch my other documentary... 'Blue Gold - World water wars'
-brainstorm a date activity for Sunday
-copy out some recipes (I requested a few vegan books, as well as some other things, at my library... it is just my luck that about 5 of them arrived here within a few days of eachother...bah)

I will leave you with this:


Take care of your body with steadfast fidelity. The soul must see through these eyes alone, and if they are dim, the whole world is clouded.
-Goethe

Today, I ate like a Queen...

Today, without really realizing it until I sat down to a super yummy dessert, I came to the conclusion that I ate extremely well. Without just listing things that you may or may not know anything about, here are some of the highlights, starting with the dessert that brought me to this appreciation for my day:

Cinnamon Raisin Mochi - This is a rice cake thing, that when baked or fried, puffs up, softens on the inside and gets crispy on the outside. I cut my big piece into little bite sized pieces and fried it up, tossing it in the stainless steel pan like I was an Iron Chef, even though I had no idea if I was doing this right... fake it 'till you make it seems to be a big theme in my life right now. I then drizzled (that word makes it seem like my house is a fancy restaraunt, doesn't it) some brown rice syrup over the whole mess and ZOUNDS, this vegan thing is introducing me to all sorts of amazingness. I will for sure try making waffles with this stuff, because that is what it reminds me of. NEXT,

Breakfast Cookie - That's right, beer now has a challenger for best breakfast ever! I discovered Vega, a protein powder/magic concoction of everything that vegans are often missing a bit of, and went on the hunt for a way to make it not a grainy version of what I'm pretty sure Count Chocula would throw up if he got food poisoning. I found this breakfast cookie recipe that is supposed to sit in the fridge overnight, but as impatient as I am, it was in there for about 30 minutes. It was; 1/3 cup oatmeal, 1 Tbsp peanut butter, 1 package chocolate Vega powder, 1/4 cup rice milk, all mixed and squished into cookie form.

Cross this all with my magical coleslaw and some sweet potatoe fries, and you have my day in the life of a queen... that is, if Queens get to play with a dog and a cat in the morning, sweat hard at spin for an hour at lunch, play with kids for two hours and call it work, and go for a run and a swim in the evening. Life is hard...

THAT conversation

My boyfriend isn't too worried about what I eat. As long as I don't try to take bacon away from him, I can really do whatever I please. There was no real debate or argument when I let him know that I was going to move towards a vegan diet. He just kinda said "whatever makes you happy babe." Easy. So far.

So imagine my surprise when the question "Well where do you think the hormones in your birth control pill come from??" came out of a friend of mine this weekend. "Mares in stalls probably in just as poor conditions."

My less than witty response was "I'm doing what I can, I can't do everything. Yet." I admit, it had been a long day, I wasn't at the top of my verbal game. No excuses. What did the fish say when he swam into a cement wall? DAMN.

And then the universe gave me another shot at the whole conversation about an hour later when another friend (after I mentioned that I kinda would miss icecream as we walked by a closed parlour) asked me to clarify..."So, like, NO animal stuff? What about the horse hormones in your pill?" Well the fact that a guy new all about that and even thought of it kinda blew me away too, but the fact that the powers that be brought me that little gem of knowledge twice in a day brought me to the conclusion that I didn't want to put something elses hormones in my body quite yet. We'll see in 20 or 30 years when hormone therapy has had more time to see long term effects for menopause.. yeah, can't wait for that little roller coaster...

Later that evening when I brought it up in conversation as "I am thinking about not going back on the pill" (I would have been starting a new pack the next evening) my boyfriend simply said "Okay." Thats it. Nothing. So I reiterated that I was after a conversation because it effects him too, and he added "is it because everyone bugged you about it?" My responses included but were not limited to:

-Yes, a bit.
-There must be a reason it came to me twice in one day
-In a few university classes the detrimental effects of various birth control devices was often a topic when health was the main focus.
-I felt better off off of it, as I was two summers ago for a few months
-I think it is one of the reasons I cannot get to the weight that I want to get to
-I think it makes me moodier than I would otherwise be
-Have you ever just felt something (to which he answered 'I'm an engineer... not really.')

So after a not-so-long process of weighing pros and cons (read: 5 seconds of listening to my body) I am going to stop taking the birth control pill.

I now wish that I could redo the original conversation... "Actually I'm not on the pill, and since I trim my nails, no animals are harmed in my sex life..."

In other news, the local radio station is holding a new years resolution for weight loss and health competition. Weigh ins this week and then again in three months will determine the winner as the person who loses the greatest percentage of inches. So I'm going to give it a shot. If nothing else, I am sure there is a great goody bag from Natures Fare, about the only place I can find most of my slightly odd vegan delights in this town. So I will weigh in today with the expectation of something I need coming to me in goody bag form!

I also get to do one of my favourite 'me time' activities today... I am getting a shiatsu massage from the lovely Carli Wrighton of Wrighton massage. She does a fantastic job of helping me balance myself out, and with the constant headaches I have been getting I am painfully aware that it has been to long since I have seen her.

I wish she had a blog or a website I could send you to, but as of now her word of mouth and reference customers keep her busy enough, so all I can do is say that if you are wanting some energy healing in the Okanagan, seek her out. She is caring and educated and will put you on whatever path is right for your healing. I am wondering what effect my change of diet will have on my energy channels... we shall see...

On todays list of things to do:
-research 'natural family planning'
-make sweet potatoe fries
-research and then teach more aquafit for certification
-spend an hour at 'work' playing Egypt games and making Egypt themed crafts
-run
-weight program
-finish my application for the Scouting movement to become an official Cub leader
-copy out some vegan recipes for myself and interested friends
-find out the best way to cook beets
-make the world a better place

So with that I leave you with one of my favourite quotes... it always makes me realize the connections that we invent, and that although I am no island, my internal weather is of my own making and that this 'need' thing is more than often a 'want' thing...

"A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle."

I made a booboo...

Drank a whole (albeit small) bottle of mocha yummy thing before I realized it has some milk proteins in it...

Lets just say my tummy didn't/doesn't like that one bit...

It could be a long night...

Sleep well world, the universe loves you the way you are.

Social Stigmas...

I would like to share a couple of comical interactions I have had in the past few days revolving around my new meal and lifestyle choices...

I work with the Scouting program in the Cubs, and our group leader is a hunter. They make fantastic meat products, no preservatives, just go out, git 'er done, and feed their family for months. I think it is amazing. So while at a meeting on Sunday, one of our staff joked about another staff, and found it pretty funny that "oh we'll forgive her, she's a vegan." After I stopped laughing, I said "So am I." More laughing. Conclusion, they still love me, but I won't be having any elk stew anytime soon.

I work at a gym, so I have many regulars. One of my favourite users of our pool in the evening chatted with me at the front desk last night and asked 'how is that vegan thing going?" When I said "great" he chuckled slightly and went on his way. On his way out we had some more time to talk, and he let me know that he hoped I didn't think he was being mean or anything, and that he was very proud that I could make a difficult decision like that and stick with it. I didn't have the heart to break it to him that is is very easy once you know what to look for!!

I also had some facebook replies to the status "Brittany thinks this vegan thing is awesome" such as 'I am a meatatarian, its a personal choice,' 'way to stick with it Britt!' 'a vegan motorcycle rider? you going to walk into a biker bar and order a tofu burger with a side of yam fries?!'

I laughed.

Then had a craving for yam fries dipped in vegenaise with some garlic and chili powder in it... mmmmm.

Have an amazing day! I will!

Day... something or other...

It is snowing, so I am making soup. I don't really measure when I make soup, but it has

-chick peas

-white beans

-veggie stock

-leeks

-miso paste

-water

-flax seeds

Yeah. It is simmering as I type, so unless I write another blog about my epic failure, I am going to assume that the smell is enough to foreshadow its yumminess.

The sugar thing is still pretty rough, but it is getting easier all the time. My brain wanders into the freezer for some icecream, but I have lost two pounds already and just think of how much easier running is going to be when I lose a few more. Edge to edge marathon, here I come!

I have also realized that my eating habits rarely had to do with real hunger. I am not hungry very often... like real, grumbly, getting angry at the world hungry. I am often trying to fill a sugar low with a high, and with the absence of highs I can really feel actual hunger versus cravings.

My last meat and cheese were last Thursday... still not missing those little guys!

Can you imagine being a drug addict?

I am jonesing for sugar. I once again have about a teaspoon of brown sugar syrup on my oatmeal, but the grand total of ingredients in that fantastic stuff is: BROWN RICE, WATER.

Needless to say, good for my new plan, bad for a system that has a lifetime of ODing on straight up refined white sugar!

I have a bit of a headache, and slept a bit longer than I usually would have, but I feel like the energy that I do have is, as silly as it sounds, a bit 'purer.' Like I'm using a higher octane fuel. The lack of meat and dairy hasn't really hit me yet as a conscious need or want for them, just the sugar thing. A friend at work had a plate with some pepperoni, some marble cheese, and some pickles on her break, offered me some, and I actually didn't really even WANT anything but a pickle. And it was super yummy!

The hope is that the change in diet will ixnay the headaches thing, as those have been a constant companion on and off for months. Lame.

So I tried a couple more things yesterday...

HUMMUS

-2ish cups of chick peas, smashed up into a paste

-herb and garlic seasoning

-2ish Tbsp vegenaise (I love this stuff. LOVE)

Smoosh.

SUSHI

Fish are friends, so these were random fillings i had around

-Nori sheets (seaweed wrap for sushi rolls)

-Brown rice

-hummus from above

-leeks, cut into long strips

Put nori on a piece of wax paper or a sushi roller. Put rice on about 1/2 to 2/3 of the nori sheet. Put filling near the rice end. Roll. Slice with a wet knife, cleaning it as you go. I made a hummus version and a leek version. YUM.

ROASTED CHICK PEAS

-enough chick peas to cover a pan

-enough olive oil to cover the peas

-enough spices to cover the oil

MIX to cover. BAKE. I went for about 350C for about an hour. Crispier = better.

Back to being a drug addict...

I WANT SUGAR.

Now that we've cleared that up.

Have a beautiful day!

Day three of no meat/no dairy

Hello random followers!

Well I have discovered that brown rice syrup and rice milk are just as yummy with porridge as normal milk and brown sugar would be! AWESOME!

Silverstar was great... there were a couple of "that looks very... healthy..." comments when I re-heated my leftover lunch for dinner, but the fries were a hit. The leftovers in the morning were also apparently a good snack after cross country skiing. I was not crazy enough to partake in said skiing, I stayed in bed and read my book. Next time friends, next time.

Watched AVATAR with Mike last night. Very cool movie. Think a grown up, tricked out version of Fern Gully. Lots of interplay between the rules/loyalties/values of a modern, money, 'progression' oriented world versus one of spirit, connections and nature. I think it is a good time for this movie to come out, as more people start to realize the impact they have. Glad I got to see it, will see about buying it when it comes out. It will be interesting to see if they sell it with an environmental twist of recycled cases, etc. One can hope.

I have also started to use a program from high school called 'Diet Analysis.' It records what you eat to tells you the %s of the things that you need in your diet each day/ averaged over chosen days so I can ensure I am getting everything I need. I thought about the comedy of people trying to convince me that I won't get all the nutrients I need, when really those would probably be the people who are ODing on salt, sugar, fat, and are missing tons of minerals and essential nutrients in their 'normal' diet. I will do what I can to get everything I need... one of those things is taking a B12 supplement. If we didn't wash our veggies quite so well this wouldn't be a problem ;)

I hear my yoga book calling...